Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
