I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize