Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
