i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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