I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize