i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
