i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
