We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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