i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize