Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
