i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
