Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
