RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
