I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
