Apparently you make a good broom.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
