Don't EVER smell your tampon
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
