woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
