Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
