He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
