Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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