I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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