I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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