At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
