i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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