you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
