Is it because I queefed?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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