I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
