You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
