this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
