My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need moral support for this bender
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
