So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
