When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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