Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just had sex on a roof
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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