I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
