if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
