I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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