dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
