Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
