Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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