as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
