i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
