Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
