thus making me awesome and them whores
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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