We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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