i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
