Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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