I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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