I am puke
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
