I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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