you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
