There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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