thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
