Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
did i walk over a car last night?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
