I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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