hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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