she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
