Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
