put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize