The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
