What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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