so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
