the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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