i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
