As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
