In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
