Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
