Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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