It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
