I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
