If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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