Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
