It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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