3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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