I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
