saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
