I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
