I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
