Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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