You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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