Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize