I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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