And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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