allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
