...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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