I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
