she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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