1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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