Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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