Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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