I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
