i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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