"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We are all done wearing pants today
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
