I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
