I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
