I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
