There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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