i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
