Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
