how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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