Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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