I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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