I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
