Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
