i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
