I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found puke in my bra..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
