my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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