Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize