Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
