why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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