Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
