dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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