Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
