hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
