This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
