How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
